A few weeks ago we were excitedly announcing the news that our three child would be entering our family in January. We had our first ultrasound on 6/6/12. I love the first ultrasound. Being able to see our tiny miracle for the first time. This time around was different. At 8 1/2 weeks along our little one was only measuring 5 1/2 weeks. We were able to see a heartbeat. My doctor was hopeful that there was a possibility that I was pregnant, lost it and got pregnant again. Which would explain the difference in the measurements. Just to make sure the doctor told me to return a week later for another check-up to see what was going on.
One week drug by. Something didn't feel right. We tried to prepare ourselves for the worst. 6/13/12 came. (the day of my appointment) We did another ultrasound. I could barely see the baby. The doctor check for about ten minutes. I couldn't see a heartbeat and knew what the doctor was going to say next. He told us that it was the news he didn't want to have to give us. The baby was still measuring 5 1/2 weeks and the heartbeat was gone. I would have to schedule a D&C. He gave us the option of taking as much time as we needed or I could have it done that week. How do you say good-bye to something you just barely found out about. We went ahead a schedule the surgery for Friday. We had already expected this outcome and thought the sooner the surgery the sooner we could start to heal.
This is something I heard happening to other women and never thought it would happen to me. Its horrible. But our Heavenly Father knows whats best for that Special Spirit. I have to trust in him that this heartbreak will be rewarded in the end and that I will be able to raise my baby. I had an attachment to it from the minute the test turned positive.
I know some women are private about their loss. For me it helps to talk about it. It helps talking to friends and my sweet cousin who just went through the same experience. Knowing that they are strong helps me to know that I can be strong too. One of my friends emailed me one of the prettiest songs that I have ever heard. Hillary Weeks - Beautiful Heartbreak. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9ZaE8-pICQ
